One
big block to self-love is that we make it conditional, i.e. I will love
myself “only”, “when”, “if”, “because” and “after”. Making self-love
conditional ensures there will always be a reason not to love ourselves
yet. A Course in Miracles teaches us that these self-imposed conditions
are “calls to love” i.e. they are a call to love ourselves even more…
starting now!
“Why don’t you love yourself?” I asked Sally
“Well, for one thing, I’m 10 lbs. overweight,” said Sally.
“How well is not loving yourself helping you to lose that weight?” I asked.
“Not very well,” she said, with a smile.
I explained to Sally that when we withhold self-love we are punishing ourselves, which causes us to make choices based on guilt instead of love. For instance, we eat that cookie, we skip an exercise class, and we forget to feed ourselves what we really need. However, if we say to ourselves, “It’s because I want to lose 10 kilos that I will love myself more,” this helps us to make choices based on love. Love is the answer.
“Why else don't you love yourself?” I asked.
“I don’t like what I see in the mirror,” she said.
“Does not loving yourself make you feel more or less beautiful?”
“You know the answer to that,” she said.
Sally thinks she withholds self-love because, in her eyes, she is not beautiful enough. Really what’s happening is she can’t see how beautiful she is because she’s withholding self-love. No one can see their true beauty until they stop judging themselves. When you don’t feel loveable, for whatever reason, withholding self-love will make you feel worse. What makes you feel less loveable is what is calling you to love yourself more.
“I find it hard to love myself because I hate that I don't have more money,” said Sally.
“It sounds like you’ve made a deal with yourself that when you earn more money you will start loving yourself,” I said.
“It sounds like you’ve made a deal with yourself that when you earn more money you will start loving yourself,” I said.
“Exactly,” she said.
“How well is that deal working for you?” I asked.
“Not very well,” she said.
When we make self-love into a reward for getting life right, nothing
goes completely right for us. Self-love is not a reward; it’s an
enabler. Without self-love, we create a self-image that is impoverished
and hasn't the first idea about real abundance. With self-love, we find
our true self, and we are able to enjoy a relationship with money based
on love not fear, innocence not unworthiness.
“One of the qualities I don’t love about myself is my envy,” said Sally.
“When you feel envy and jealousy, what do you do?” I asked.
“I hate myself. And I eat chocolate,” she said.
“Does covering your envy in chocolate make it any sweeter?”
“No,” said Sally.
One way we try to love ourselves is to stop loving ourselves until we
are more loveable. This is weird logic. It’s weird because it isn't
based on love. It’s only when we are willing to love the parts of us
that are “unloveable” that they stop having such a terrible hold on us.
All healing is a release from what seems to be unloveable. The more we
love ourselves, starting from now, the more we show up in the world as
the men and women we truly are.
Self-love is a gift for many
reasons. Loving yourself connects you with your natural wisdom and
thereby you make better decisions about what you eat, who you date, and
how you live. The more you love yourself, the more you love others
without conditions. It’s easier for others to love you, when you love
yourself. Also, the more you love yourself, the more you recognize how
loved you are. All of these gifts happen when you are willing to
practice self-love now.
Not yesterday not tomorrow NOW is the real answer.
Lot's of LOVE, to each one of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment